Everyday Events
by technicolorAuthor
Summary: Short little AU where Sollux, Karkat, and Gamzee are brothers and live together. They are all assholes (but I love them). Also something I shamelessly turned in for homework my first semester in college, without their real names or typing quirks. I could tell my teacher wasn't into it, she just didn't know why.


"Wiill 2omeone plea2e get the damn cat off the table?" Sollux lisped. He was trying to set the table for dinner, but the cat was inspecting the cup holding the forks with her curious nose. It was only a matter of time before she started to use them as a scratching post. "Karkat, control your 2tupiid aniimal!"

Karkat angrily stormed into the room. It wasn't his fucking cat. He'd told Sollux that a million times, but that asshole never listened. He was too busy playing with his computer, wearing his douche bag shades and lisping up enough saliva to turn a desert into a rainforest. How was it possible that they shared the same genetic material?

Setting his ever-present glare to the frisky feline, Karkat picked it up by the scruff of its neck and set it on the floor. She didn't seem to mind-on the contrary, she immediately rubbed up against his legs and purred. This only angered him further. She did this every time he was in the room. For whatever reason the animal only ever bothered _him_, like it had some weird crush on him. He slid her away with his foot, but that didn't deter her. "NO!" he chastised her. "BAD KATNEP! GO THE EVER-LOVING _FUCK_ AWAY, WE'RE TRYING TO EAT!" The kitten ignored his fury, not even flinching when he yelled in rage. A tiny gray thing, Katnep was the newest addition to the household, bought from a pet store in town two months prior. Originally her name was to be Catnip, but the store owner had assured them that it was 'e%tremely f001ish' to name a cat after its favorite treat. Neither brother had wanted to argue with the man or his intimidating biceps, so they had renamed her Katnep-similar enough to keep them happy and different enough to keep the perspiring man's glare out of their nightmares.

"GOD _DAMN_ IT THAT ANIMAL IS OBNOXIOUS. WHY DID WE EVER THINK A CAT WAS A GOOD IDEA? WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE FORKED OVER ALL THAT MONEY FOR SOME DUMB ANIMAL THAT SNIFFS AND LICKS EVERYTHING AND DELIBERATELY RUBS HERSELF ALL OVER THE TABLE WHEN WE'RE TRYING TO EAT." Outbursts like this were very common from Karkat, yet they hadn't ceased to be hilarious to Sollux. He paused in his placing of plates to laugh at his distressed brother, which Karkat ignored as usual. Instead he looked around the room, grasping for a change in subject while trying to hide his blushed cheeks. It was then that he noticed their younger brother was missing.

"WHERE'S GAMZEE? HE KNOWS WHAT TIME DINNER IS." Karkat had always thought their parents were stupid assholes for naming their son Gamzee. That wasn't a fucking name, at least not in this country. The strangeness of it suited his brother, anyway; the kid had massive ADD and couldn't focus on anything important. He would often stare out the window at something for minutes at a time and forget what he'd been doing, which made conversation difficult and homework almost impossible. When Karkat could actually get him to talk for any length of time, it was always bullshit about rainbows and miracles and other nonsense that Karkat didn't even want to bother with. The kid was fucking weird-yet he felt an odd affection for his little brother. His older brother, on the other hand...

Sollux didn't look up from setting dishes of food on the already laden table. "How 2hould ii fuckiing know? Go get hiim iif you're 2o worriied."

Karkat sighed. He did not have the energy to walk all the way up the stairs to tell his brother to come and eat, so he settled for yelling...louder than usual. "GAMZEE! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE, _IT'S TIME FOR DINNER_!"

There was a thud, then a scrambling sound, and then came Gamzee's footsteps on the stairs. He was dragging his blanket and sucking his thumb, his hair messy. His eyes were sleepy and he seemed rumpled, though Karkat knew he hadn't been asleep; this was simply how his brother usually looked. "ThE sUnSeT iS sO pReTtY," he told Karkat as he neared him. "It'S lIkE, nAtUrE's MiRaClE."

"YOU KNOW THE COLORS OF THE SUNSET ARE CAUSED BY POLLUTION, RIGHT?" Karkat asked with a sideways glance at Gamzee.

"ShH, dOn'T rUiN tHe MiRaClE!" was his brother's reply as he seated himself at the table, his blanket wrapped around him.

"Yeah, Kk," Sollux seconded, "don't cru2h the kiid'2 dream. You're 2uch an a22hole, you miiracle murderer." The comment was so typical of Sollux. He was always telling Karkat that he was too worked up and that he needed to calm the fuck down, because 'how could 2omeone a2 2hort as Karkat produce that much anger, anyway?' Karkat didn't find any of his barbs amusing, and he usually just slunk off after or during one of Sollux's speeches. Unfortunately it was dinner time now, so there was no escaping the criticism.

A little yip alerted Karkat to the fact that he'd almost sat on Katnep. Again. She knew which chair was his usual and curled up on it at the most inopportune times. Right now he was almost grateful for her presence; she was the only one who seemed to always appreciate him. He set her on his lap and petted her, suddenly comforted by the feeling and sound of her purr. "GROWING UP WITH THESE FUCKNUTS IS HARD, CAT," he mumbled to her as he scratched her behind her ears. "AT LEAST YOU UNDERSTAND."


End file.
